So it seems as though the more I have to say, the harder a time I have saying it.

_____

It's amazing how hearing one song can bring you back to a place that you thought you were out of.

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It's not fair... the way life works. Why God takes people out of this world when he does.

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Mmmmmmm strawberry smoothie

I don't want to impose on you, on your life now.
Though I want to talk.
I'd be lying if I said "I didn't miss you" too.
I still don't fully understand or know what happened.
What if it was me? Do I want to know?
I've fought a lot of battles since then.
No doubt you have too.
I've come a long way.
So to answer you... yes.
I care.
I don't think I ever stopped.

Had a call this week that was absolutely crazy.
Eye opening.
Uhm, wow.
Gonna be stuck on this one for a while.
And I know its going to come up sometime in the future again as well.
But at least I know that whatever comes of this, I did my job.
It's not the kind of thing I'm worried about because I screwed up.
No.
I know without a doubt that my partner and I did what we were supposed to.
We did all that we could.
And we did it well.
Though now there's lots of paperwork, interviews, lots of talking, and not enough sleeping.
You never know what to expect when you go on a call.
Never.
It's nice to actually be needed once in a while though.
You know, for a legit emergency.
Instead of transporting 80 year old people to and from dialysis.
And underage drunks with fake ids from college campuses to the emergency department so they can sober up and then go out to do it again the next night.
And people who get papercuts on their lip.
I think I should write a book about some of the things I've seen.
Maybe my Uncle and I can collaborate.
"Tales Of An EMT And A Wedding Planner."
Hahahah.
Okay, time for some fresh clean sheets, comfy blankets, nyquil, a slushie from DQ and some Young Frankenstein.
:)

I want to talk to you. But I'm afraid that you're upset with me. I never wrote back to you. I'm sorry. I've got a couple letters sitting in a box next to yours, letters that were never sent. Because I'm scared.

And now it's been so long, that I don't even know where to start. Is a simple 'hello' enough? Not enough?

There's things I want to say. But words don't come easy. They never have.

So, where do we start? How does 'hello' sound?

These past two weeks have been some of the most frustrating weeks I've had in a long time. Mostly due to work. I love what I do, don't get me wrong. Though being in the field that I'm in, it's not always easy. There are things that you see, calls you go on that affect you in ways that you cannot prepare yourself for. There are some moments you witness of people's lives, the precious and the heart breaking, that just cannot be put into words. Nor should they.

Then there are the times when you do what you know is right. But something happens that causes you to doubt the choices you made and the care that you rendered. And you move on.

So, not related to work. I'm confused. But, what's new? ;)

Zofran is a miracle drug. I will warn you, though, it tastes TERRIBLE. At first you're fooled into thinking that it has a not so bad strawberry flavor. But then it turns on you. It is, after all, medicine. But it works wonders for nausea.

Dealing with the consequences of your actions... it sucks sometimes. Okay, most of the time. But you learn from your mistakes. And you "keep moving forward." And with that, I think I need to go watch Meet The Robinsons and go to bed.